Uselessly Watching
by Fuji S
Summary: It hurts to be watching and not able to help the one you care about. TakaRyo


Title: Uselessly Watching  
Author: Fuji S. Yuki  
Pairing: TakaRyo (Onesided)  
Genre: Angsty, Introspection  
Written: 5-31-04  
Beg: 11:40pm Completed 12:12am  
Word Count: 1,044  
Crossposted: Tenipuri 500  
Later on Edited by **cocacat15**  
Beta Reading: Completed  
Teaser: Sometimes people are blind to the truth of their love.

_Understanding, love, and acceptance._ These were the words that Kawamura Takashi held close to his heart. His understanding of the people surrounding him, the love he held for them deeply in his heart, and the feeling of acceptance.

Takashi knew at a very young age that he wasn't a very talented individual. There were times when he would just zone out while cleaning dishes in his father's sushi shop thinking about how useless he was—and that got to him.

Takashi wanted to be useful, he wanted those around him to be safe and happy. But most of all he wanted to protect them. Sometimes he felt like he didn't even really understand the meaning of love, true love, the type that would make one stop and feel. For love has many faces—the love he felt for his father, the brotherly love he felt for people like Fuji, and even the friendship sort of love. These Takashi knew well and held near and dear, until he was hit by a form of love that was completely foreign to him.

It had all started when he first laid eyes on Echizen Ryoma, when seeing that boy he felt a certain spark of recognition, and the instinct to protect someone came over him. At first he thought it was brotherly love, as an older sibling protects a younger one, but it slowly evolved as he watch the baby of the team himself grow and evolve. 

Inwardly Takashi knew that he was out shined by those around him; the little wonder baby of the group had his eyes set higher on those talented enough to keep his attention. He acknowledged that he wasn't the strongest player on the Seigaku team, even though he managed to stay on as a regular. The spot that he held was only due to the brute strength acquired from lifting huge carts of sushi on a daily basis for his father.

Surely he enjoyed and loved tennis. He loved the challenges, and the way he could feel the burning passion whenever he held a racquet. His blood boiled during the adrenaline rush he would feel whenever he played an opponent. He had played those that were the best of junior players but he knew that one day his winning streak and his talent would be dimmed by another.

This was the rule of adaptation: only the fittest would win and move onto stronger players. Even now as time drew nearer to graduation he had other duties that must be fulfilled. Compared to the others his life wasn't simple. Many of his teammates and classmates would be going on to high school, but Takashi knew that he may not be given a chance at that, he had to run a family business. He knew it was his duty and obligation though, and he could not fault what he was born into.

He would miss the feel of a tennis racquet and even the endless practice meetings, and of course his friends. He accepted what his fate would be, because there was no use crying over spilled miso soup, one had to just adjust and move on.

Adaptation was something Kawamura knew Ryoma was evidence of. The boy was strong; he held a charismatic personality that drew others toward him, and he certainly knew what his goals were. Kawamura like many others felt drawn to such a strong personality, one that would adjust and grow even if beaten down. 

Through it all Takashi sensed the vulnerability that was hidden behind Ryoma's smirks and behavior. He knew that Ryoma wouldn't let his weakpoints get to him and that he would launch himself forward onto the next stepping-stone. The boy was the future of the tennis world, a new wave one could say, and he would affect the tennis world greatly with his sharp and original play.

Ryoma would be a legend and he, on the other hand, could do nothing but watch and be glad that he was able to be there supporting in the background. For Takashi was able to acknowledge that he loved Ryoma, but he also knew that the other would not see him at all, at least not in the way he wanted to be seen. His talent didn't lie in tennis even, he was merely slightly skilled.

He understood that power attracted power. Tezuka was a powerful player, and so was Fujiko; the tensai held a deep mysterious quality that drew the younger boy in. This was shown clearly in that unforgettable practice game in the rain.

Seigaku was strong because of its players, they each held a quality that helped Echizen Ryoma grow. Even his own tennis had been overturned, power did not mean anything now against Ryoma. The boy had won against him, even though Takashi had evolved slightly in his tennis.

Yet, it still meant nothing. His playing days would be over when he graduated and the only thing he could do was enjoy everyday to the fullest while he still played. He could only help Ryoma get over the power of brute strength, that was all, that was his only contribution, he could not baby Ryoma because it wasn't in either of their personalities.

Kikumaru would be the one to touch and cuddle the little chibi. Oishi would be the one to worry and express concern for the shortie. Momoshirou would be the big brother to Ryoma, not to mention the pain in his side, whenever the other played with him. Kaidoh would be the sempai to Ryoma and always be thought of as the strange boy with the bandana who hissed. Fuji would be the one to keep the other entranced, and Tezuka would be the respectable Captain that would act as the goal for the wonderboy.

He could not even protect Ryoma when he was injured by Ibu from Fudomine. The same could be said about the time Akutsu Jin had attacked Echizen. Takashi had observed the boy's shivers, the slight fear as he tried to overcome the adversities. And he had done so brilliantly, the 'Burning' tennis player noted. 

He could do nothing to protect the other. He knew this and he accepted it. Echizen Ryoma didn't need protection. Takashi knew this just as he knew all of the quirks and bad flaws and qualities of the little boy. Like how he slept in and also how he used his snarky personality to get people riled up.

But Takashi knew that even with all of the flaws and bad things about Ryoma he still loved and accepted the other. He knew that sometimes it was best to let go of a one-sided love and let the other flourish. He wasn't Echizen Ryoma's future, but he could be the one to watch himattain the horizon of goals and be there to support him from the dark. Because he loved the other boy, and that was all he could do.


End file.
